Fears
by Shoikana
Summary: In this story, Roy is blinded and dealing with the consequences. I wrote this story a long time ago and recently dug it up, so I thought I'd put it here.


"Roy, down!" Shadowhawke shouted as a dagger cut through the space above Roy who had fallen into a crouch on instinct. Still crouched, Roy looked frantically for his attacker, searching with a nocked and drawn bow. He saw a slight movement and released, and he was rewarded with a cry. He wanted to make sure he didn't kill the man, but he knew they had no time.

"Thanks," he said to Shadowhawke, who had appeared at his side.

"No problem," she answered, still scanning the area. They were in a dimly-lit abandoned department store, so that Shadowhawke's visor was more effective than Roy's eyes. She saw others behind obstacles on the infrared bands, but they were making no move to attack, so she simply kept an eye on them. She asked Arsenal, "Did they say where he'd be?"

"Pool supplies," Roy answered dryly. Tempest and Argent had gone out together on a rescue about a week ago, when, according to Argent, they had been confronted by a woman in a mask. Toni described the woman's costume as festive, as though she were dressed for Mardi Gras, and her mask had been one of the most elaborate Toni had ever seen. During their confrontation, Tempest—Garth—had inexplicably disappeared, and, left alone and fearing for her elder teammate, Toni had fled the scene.

Arsenal and Shadowhawke had been drawn to their current position by a phone call which Roy had received while on monitor duty. He had been the only one at the tower when he received the call since the others were already looking for their Atlantian teammate. Well all except for Nightwing, who was unbelievably on vacation. Roy still couldn't believe the bad timing—or, he had to admit to himself, was it because Nightwing wasn't here that it had gotten so out of hand? In either case, he knew better than to go solo, so he had called in Nightwing's sister as backup.

"You do realize that this is probably a trap, right?" Shadowhawke asked carefully.

"Yeah, that's why I called you. I lack some common sense, but not enough to go into a situation like this alone."

"Glad to hear it," Shadowhawke answered dryly. Then, brushing off the absent-minded look Roy was giving her, Shadowhawke gave a sharp warning. Roy tensed as he half-raised and drew his bow. He followed her gaze to a woman matching Toni's description as the woman approached them with menace and purpose.

"Where's Tempest?" Roy demanded, stopping the woman in her tracks. She looked surprised that he had spoken.

"Don't you worry your pretty little head about him. He's fine for now. Right now you have bigger problems, sweetheart." Roy was actually relieved to hear that, since he had been concerned that whoever had Tempest was ignoring his need for water. As the woman said the last line, she lunged forward with another dagger in her hand. Roy sidestepped easily as a Batarang flew to relieve the woman of her weapon.

"I love those things." Roy muttered, earning a slight smirk from his partner. He gave his full attention back to his opponent to see her looking hesitant and backing away. "Where is he?" Roy repeated. As the woman turned and ran, Roy started to follow when suddenly he exclaimed, "Dammit!" and stopped short. Before Shadowhawke could ask what was wrong, Roy explained, "She must have hit the lights. Hawke, can you see her on IR?"

"No, she's gone," Shadowhawke paused, looking anxiously at Roy. She asked, "You can't see?"

Impatiently, Roy answered, "Right."

Shadowhawke continued carefully, "Roy, I still see visible wavelengths. There is still light in the room." She watched fear cross Roy's face as she continued, "Let's get out of here. Here, take my arm. Dick comes back today; we'll get him on it."

"Her name is Nathalie Jocque, but I can't find any evidence of a codename or an association," Dick started. Having come home an hour ago to the tower after a two-week forced vacation by Tim (Tim went along supposedly to make sure Dick had no contact with, in Tim's words, anyone in tights), Dick was seated at the Titans' computer main console, vowing never to let his 'little brother' talk him into a vacation again. No one else had been able to identify Toni and Garth's attacker, despite her outlandish costume, and Dick was feeling rushed, having lost a whole week.

Roy and Sarah were sitting behind him, and Roy's eyes were closed, as though he were pretending that was the only reason he couldn't see. Lian was in Roy's lap, and her downcast, fidgeting demeanor revealed that she knew something was desperately wrong with her father. Roy didn't want Lian to be with him to see him so vulnerable, but there was no one else to watch her since the rest of the Titans had resumed their search for Garth. That search was going as well as the search for Roy's sight; which was not well at all. Sarah sat next to her archer friend and had a comforting hand on his shoulder to let him know she was still with him. Dick continued, "Says here that she has the ability to make a person's last felt fear true." After reading from the monitor, Dick turned around to face his sister and his friend.

Roy volunteered with a shrug, "I guess my last fear was going blind. I remember looking at Shadowhawke, and I guess my thoughts strayed to that fear. I've felt it before, but I guess I never really thought about it."

Roy turned a blind, questioning expression to Sarah, and, remembering the chain of events, she added, "Mine was that Roy would get hurt. Nathalie attacked him."

"Normally, I'd say thanks," Roy said dryly, and was rewarded with two wry grins, which, of course, he missed.

Thinking out loud, Sarah mused, "I wonder if Toni's last fear was losing Garth?"

Dick nodded thoughtfully and added, "Possible. Since the two of them were alone and she's still fairly green, I could imagine she felt fear at the thought of being left alone with an attacker."

The adults' brainstorm was thwarted by Lian's tiny voice as she spoke up, "Daddy, what's wrong? What is Uncle Nightwing doing?"

"It's ok, sweatheart." He embraced his daughter. "Daddy can't see right now. But don't worry, Uncle Nightwing will fix it." At Roy's comforting statement, Dick was almost glad his friend couldn't see, for he knew his expression held clear doubt.

"Maybe you should think about helping him to adjust," Dick suggested quietly. He and Sarah were in the kitchen of the Tower. Roy had asked them to look after Lian while he took a nap, and they obliged, so that now Lian and Sarah were sitting at the kitchen table—Lian on Auntie Sarah's lap—and Lian was immersed in the picture she was coloring. Of course all three adults were anxious to look for their missing friend, but they all knew—and Dick enforced it—that they had to make a plan and collect themselves. Dick was going through the automatic motions of making lunch, consisting of grilled cheese and tomato soup, as though he were moving through mud. It was needless to say that he was worried about Roy, since Roy's livelihood depended on his sight, at least as far as Dick was concerned. He knew that the blind could be very able—hell, his sister was one of the most able people he knew—but he was worried that Roy would simply give up.

"I already have," Sarah said, matching her brother's tone. Both siblings were practical enough—or perhaps had been disappointed often enough—to prepare for the worst. Certainly neither had given up hope of reversing Nathalie's effect, but both also recognized the possibility of Roy having been permanently blinded. "I'm happy to help, but he might not want me to," Sarah acknowledged. "The blind association in town can help him if he doesn't want me to."

"No need," Roy said from the doorway. Surprised, Dick looked up from the sandwiches on the grill, and Sarah turned slightly to acknowledge her friend's presence. Dick saw that Roy still had his eyes closed as he continued, "I'm managing so far. I'll be fine." As if to illustrate, Roy made his way to the table and sat across from Sarah. Lian abandoned her coloring and wiggled out of Sarah's lap to join her father, who welcomed her with a hug and a lift into his lap. Lian reached for her coloring, and, after Lian made a grunt of effort which alerted her aunt, Sarah pushed the materials away from herself and toward the four-year-old. Sarah heard the child slide the picture and crayons the rest of the way and expanded her attention to again include the other adults in the room.

"Being able to navigate a building that you've lived in for years is not the same as day-to-day tasks," Sarah said carefully. She didn't want to make Roy upset or angry, but she felt an obligation to warn him of the difficulty he would have to endure. "What about getting around? You can't drive anymore. Or even just reading your mail?"

"I'm sure the guys here can help me," Roy shrugged.

How his blindness affected his status as a Titan apparently hadn't occurred to Roy, which concerned Dick. He certainly didn't want to have to question it, but when he looked at his sister, Dick could tell the same thoughts were going through her mind. Better to hear it from her than from me, Dick thought. Sarah started slowly, "Have you considered how your archery is effected?" Dick saw anger grow on Roy's expression, and he knew his friend got his sister's meaning.

Roy snapped, "I'll figure it out. I've shot blindfolded dozens of times. This is nothing to my archery."

Blindfolded at the range, not in the field, Dick thought mournfully, but this was not the time to argue. He suppressed a sigh even as Sarah let one escape. Sarah's sigh earned her Roy's attention and his anger. Roy shot, "What? You think I can't do it?" He pointed an angry finger in Sarah's direction. "I'm one of the best archers in the world, and you know it! Sight is nothing to a marksman of my caliber!"

Sarah was taking the verbal beating with a bent head while she rubbed her eyes as though she had a headache. She knew exactly what Roy was feeling, and she wanted to help him through it, but she wasn't sure she could do it. Dick toggled between a slightly sad, mostly angry eye for Roy and a sympathetic one for Sarah, until he couldn't help but to cut in. He shouted, "Knock it off, Roy!" Roy stopped in surprise, taken aback at Dick's words. Dick continued, "Your archery is just the surface. You've got a lot to figure out, and we're just trying to help. Think about it, man. Sarah knows exactly what you're going through!"

"Yeah well, maybe I don't want help. Maybe I don't need help. Maybe I can do it alone."

Lian, who looked about to burst into tears at the adults' shouting, reminded Roy, "But Daddy, you said we all have to help each other!"

The mixture of wanting to continue to shout and wanting to obey his daughter created a comical expression on Roy towards which Dick had to catch a chuckle. Roy was way too tightly wound to take any joviality the right way. Sarah spoke up, "I do understand, Roy. And I can help you work through it if you'll let me. I was not nice when I first got to Gotham. Just ask Dick."

Now Dick did take a chance at humor when he responded lightly, "Oh yeah, she was a real bitch." He earned a thrown crayon from his sister, and the exchange seemed to lighten the mood in the room. His words caused Lian to look up in surprise, although her expression did not catch Uncle Dick's attention.

Roy sighed, but his tone lightened as he tried to change the subject, "Anyway, we haven't given up yet, right? I mean, we haven't even found this girl, let alone find out if she can reverse what she's done. Maybe it's magic, so that Zatanna or someone can reverse it."

"Of course we haven't given up, Roy," Dick cut in, approaching the table with a plate of sandwiches. "But we have to consider the possibility that this is permanent." He shuttled four bowls of soup—he had made enough for Roy too—before he joined the others at the table. Out of habit, Dick briefly looked at his sister out of the corner of his eye to make sure she didn't need any information on placement of utensils or food. She was fine, and, with a pang of anguish, he turned his attention to Roy.

Roy had just released Lian from his lap with instructions to sit in her usual chair, and she took her crayons and papers with her. Dick watched silently as Roy carefully felt the bowl in front of him, and then the spoon beside the bowl. He lifted the spoon and took a mouthful of soup. Suppressing a sigh of relief, Dick continued the conversation, "Anyway, we know that Nathalie has something to do with Tempest's disappearance. And I contacted Donna and the others about what we found so they know what to expect. They're gonna bring her in if they find her." He paused, "Meanwhile, Sarah and I can form another team and take another route. There are one or two fresh leads that haven't been followed up yet."

"No!" Roy interrupted, a full spoon halfway to his mouth. He dropped the spoon, and continued, "There's no way I'm staying here! I told you! I can still hold my own!"

Fighting the urge to yell back, Dick calmly countered, "Yes, but someone's got to stay here with Lian. You can't leave her alone."

Dick watched his friend puzzle out the situation when Roy suggested, "Sarah can stay, right? You and I can go." He meant no disrespect to his friend's sister, but Roy was desperate to go, and he felt more comfortable, especially now, with Dick.

Dick sighed a resigned sigh and braced himself for a battle. He stated forcefully, "Roy, No. Way. In. Hell." This time he did catch Lian's surprised expression, and he gave her an apologetic look. Roy's argument caught in his throat as Dick cut him off, "I'll give you that you can still shoot. Zen archery, or whatever. But how are you gonna get there? Come on, Roy, think it through." Dick paused, and then continued matter-of-factly, "If you go out there now, you'll get killed."

Not thinking, Roy retorted, "Maybe that wouldn't be so bad." He startled, as if just hearing his own words, just as Lian started to wail. "God," Roy breathed, "Oh, God, I'm sorry, honey." He reached for Lian, but she stayed out of his reach, huddled away from him in her chair. Glaring at Roy, although the expression was lost on the archer, Dick went to his niece to embrace her, and scooped her up into his arms. Lian responded by wrapping her arms around Dick's neck and crying into his shoulder.

Still comforting Lian, Dick said quietly, "I know you're hurting, Roy, and that you've got a lot on your mind now. More than even I ever had. And we're hurting for you. But you're still Lian's father, and she still counts on your love. You've got to think before you say sh.. stuff like that. No disability is ever gonna change that."

Roy stood angrily and shouted with a pointed finger, "Maybe she is better off without a blind father who can't support her! Maybe if I had checked out the location more carefully, I could have stopped her! But I screwed up again, and this is what I got for it!" He motioned angrily at his eyes. "Maybe if you had been here instead of exotic God-knows-where, none of this would ever have happened!" As a final exclamation point, Roy slammed his fist onto the table, spilling all four soup bowls before he stalked angrily out of the room.

As Dick sighed and sat in Lian's chair with the little girl in his lap, Sarah said quietly, "You know he's wrong, right? There is no way this is anyone's fault, least of all yours."

Stroking Lian's hair—Lian had stopped crying and was sitting sideways in Dick's lap so that she faced Sarah—Dick responded, "Yeah, logically, I know that. But there's that little voice that is telling me otherwise."

With light, gentle humor, Sarah answered, "You've got to fire that little voice of yours." Dick understood that his sister meant that he needed to stop blaming himself for things he couldn't have prevented, and he gave a small, half-hearted smile to himself. Then he lost the smile and asked, "Do you mind staying here while I go look? I think he'd benefit more from your company than mine anyway."

Sarah nodded as she agreed, "Sure. Although I don't think he's ready for help from anyone, no matter how beneficial that help could be."

"Yeah," Dick stated, "But there's no way he'll come close to listening to me on this. Either because I've known him too long or because I haven't been through anything similar. I just know he won't listen."

"And your guilty conscious is urging you to go find Garth," Sarah added. She reiterated, "It's not your fault, Dick. He would have disappeared even if you had been here."

Dick sighed. He didn't bother to deny that that was at least partially his motivation. He simply said, "Yeah, but if I had been here, Garth would probably be home by now. And you and Roy wouldn't have gone there, and Roy wouldn't have lost his sight."

Sarah sighed. She answered, "I know I could argue 'til I'm blue in the face and not make a dent. I've known *you* for too long. And you've known me long enough to know what I'd say. So I'll just skip that, and Lian and I will play a fun game while you're gone." At the her last words, Sarah smiled in the girl's direction and held her arms out for Lian. After a little convincing push from Uncle Nightwing, Lian crawled out of his lap and allowed herself to be pulled into Sarah's.

Even in New York, the name Nathalie Jocque wasn't very common, so that that evening found Nightwing perched outside her apartment window. With his back against the brink wall fifteen stories up, Nightwing cautiously looked into the apartment and saw, draped across the back of an old ratty couch, the costume described by his sister and teammates. Using the patience gained so long ago, Nightwing waited for hours until a woman—presumably Nathalie—and a man about her age—Nightwing guessed a boyfriend—entered the apartment.

Nightwing could tell by their expressions that they were in the middle of an argument, confirmed by Nathalie's next heated words which Nightwing could hear easily through the glass window. "No, Thierry, I'm not going to hurt anyone! Don't ask me anymore!" Her tone was brave, almost reckless. In response, 'Thierry' attacked Nathalie, pushing her into the middle of the room so that she stumbled and fell. He began to hit her as Nathalie tried to defend herself by covering her face with her arms.

Dick took immediate action, shooting a line to the top of the building so that he could swing out and crash through the window, landing stably a few feet from the conflict. Thierry looked up in surprise, but, with one hand gripping Nathalie's collar and supporting her upper body, used his other hand to point angrily at the intruder. "I don't know where you came from, freak, but stay out of this! This ain't your concern!"

"On the contrary," Nightwing answered levelly as he stepped to close the distance between them, "The harm of innocents is always my concern." He ended his sentence with a punch to Thierry's face.

Thierry laughed as he wiped blood from the corner of his mouth, "Innocent my ass! If I told you the things she done, you'd be takin' her in, not defendin' her. She's a worthless whore!" Thierry's words brought Nightwing's ire to the surface—Dick didn't care who she was; no one deserved to be described like that—and he landed a knockout punch.

After a last glare to Thierry, Nightwing turned his attention to Nathalie, who was still on the floor, afraid to get up. She shrank from Dick when he moved to help her until he soothed, "It's ok, I won't hurt you." She gave him her arm, and Nightwing grasped her wrist, gently hauling her to her feet. "You ok?" he asked. She nodded slightly, looking to the ground as she did so, and he helped her to the couch. "It's not my business," Dick started, "but you should dump a guy like that. He's not worth it."

"He's not my boyfriend," Nathalie stated woefully, and somewhat defensively, "He's my brother." Nightwing sighed and sat next to the young woman. He'd seen it before, but Dick had always had trouble with the idea that siblings could be so cruel to one another. Nathalie didn't seem dangerous at all, and Dick was starting to suspect that she had been coerced into fighting his teammates.

"If you don't mind my saying, Nathalie, you should still dump him. Sometimes even family's not worth it."

He saw her start at his use of her name and she asked, "How do you know my name?"

"I know a lot about you, Nat," he admitted. "It's not a coincidence that I'm here."

Now Nathalie sighed as she stated matter-of-factly, "My attack on your teammates." Without waiting for Nightwing to confirm, she continued, taking almost a babbling tone, "I didn't want to hurt them! They just got in the way!" She stopped and corrected herself, "No, I mean.. I didn't hurt them or anything.."

Nightwing thought she sounded sincere, so that he suspected that she actually didn't know what she had done. He corrected her, "On the contrary, Nat, Tempest is missing, and you blinded Arsenal." He paused a moment as a thought occurred to him, "Do you know the nature of your ability?"

"You mean curse?" Nathalie spat. "Tempest isn't missing. He went home."

Nightwing was about to argue, saying Garth wasn't at the Tower, when he started. What if.. ? Why didn't he call..? "Excuse me a sec," he asked Nathalie before he opened his comlink back to the tower. He got Sarah, "Shadowhawke, call Atlantis. See if Garth is there."

"Huh?" came the response, "What do you mean? He'd call.."

"I don't have time to explain. Just do it, ok?" he asked calmly.

"Yeah, ok, no problem. I'll call them now," Sarah answered.

Dick heard the comlink close and turned back to Nathalie. Without prompting, she continued, "Yeah, I know what I do. I make a person's last fear come true. Great, huh?" She voice took a sarcastic tone. "I managed to hide it for a while, but when Thierry found out, he made me help him. I don't want to; you gotta believe me." Her voice turned pleading.

Nightwing nodded, "I believe you. I'm going to take him in, ok?" He thumbed Nathalie's still-unconscious brother. Nathalie nodded submissively. "You've got to stay away from him though. Do you have someone else to go to? Another sibling or a friend?"

Immediately, Nathalie stated, "All my brothers are like Thierry. I don't have any sisters; I've always wished for one." She sighed, and then after a thought, continued, "I could go to Lisa I guess. She's my friend. But she can't help me make sure Thierry doesn't come back. 'Cause when he gets out, he's just gonna come back."

Nightwing nodded thoughtfully. This was a common problem, and one to which he hadn't found a good solution yet. He sidestepped that problem, and went to one he hoped could be solved more easily. He told her, "I can't make any promises about that, but I'll see what I can do. I have a few connections I can use. In the meantime, can you give back Arsenal's sight?"

Nathalie sighed, and Dick knew he wasn't going to like the answer. She confirmed his fear with, "I can't control it like that. The only way I could do it is if he feared regaining his sight." She started to cry, "I never wanted to hurt anyone. It's not like I asked for this. All I know is I happened to be where the JLA was two weeks ago, and weird things happened. I can't explain it.."

"That's ok," Nightwing soothed, "Weird things often happen around the JLA. I'll contact them—maybe they have an idea what happened to-" Nightwing cut himself off suddenly as a thought struck him like lightning. "I have an idea," he said half to himself. Then, "I'll contact you a little later, ok?"

He was about to leave in a rush as though he were afraid the idea would leave as quickly as it came, when Nathalie stopped him with, "What about Thierry?" She gestured to the unconscious man.

"Oh yeah," Nightwing remembered, and then changed direction to haul Nathalie's brother into a fireman's carry. "I'll make sure he stays put for now." She nodded compliantly, as though she didn't really believe him, but Dick didn't have time to convince her. He had to go talk to Bruce.

*THWAP*

"Good shot," Sarah commented off-handedly. She was leaning against the doorway to Roy's indoor range, and of course couldn't see the shot. But she knew.

"Thanks," Roy answered unenthusiastically. He knew he had hit a dead bullseye; as always; but that didn't help his mood. He continued matter-of-factly, "I told you I could still shoot."

"Yeah," Sarah agreed, still leaning against the doorway. She could tell Roy was still facing the target. "But you've got to get to where you're going in the field before you can shoot. And that, my friend, is the problem." She paused again, "I want to show you something. Let's go to your room, ok?"

Roy unstrung his bow and put it in its place as he asked, "Where's Lian?"

"She fell asleep watching cartoons. I put her in her bed for a nap."

Roy nodded as he passed Sarah. He needed to make things right with his little girl—he still couldn't believe what he had said in front of her. Sarah followed him as he made his way to his room. He stood in the doorway to his space and asked, "Ok, now what?"

Standing behind Roy, Sarah said, "I did something here. Tell me what it is."

Roy's voice turned disgusted as he spat, "Gimme a break. How am I supposed to do that?"

"There are other ways to scan a scene, Roy. You know me. Scan mentally."

Roy pouted for a moment, and then his eyes lit up for a second. Another second saw his expression turn suspicious, and he said, "You wouldn't.." He entered the room.

Sarah laughed good-naturedly, "I would."

Roy reached his destination—his safe—and found the lock broken open. "Aw, Sarah…"

"Don't worry, it was a crappy lock anyway. I'll get you a decent one. And, no, I didn't take anything." She paused, "Or look at anything."

"Ha ha," Roy answered. "When did you do this?"

"When you were asleep," Sarah grinned. "My point is that although I lost my sight, I didn't lose some of my .. more useful.. skills. *But* without my mask, or without a through debriefing of the area, I'd never make it to a site to do my job."

"But you can do it with a debriefing, right? You told us about that New Orleans trip you made last year."

Sarah nodded in agreement as she stated, "Yes, but because I've been trained to do so. And not by my dad." She left unsaid where she got the training, but Roy understood. "If you want, I can talk to the docs at Star Labs. They could make you a mask similar to mine, and since your id is public, there'd be no problem with you wearing it as Arsenal. They could make it look like the shades you wear."

"Hmm, maybe," Roy said, "I think I have some other things to figure out first."

Sarah heard the resigned tone in Roy's voice and nodded. "Yeah, you do. I'm glad to hear you say it though. I can give you some local contacts."

"Na, I think I'd like your help if it's still available."

"Of course it's still available. I'll always give you all the help I can. You should know that."

Roy nodded just as Sarah's communicator beeped. "You're not in costume, are you?" Roy asked, surprised. Just when he thought he was getting a grip on things..

"Nope," Sarah answered, causing Roy to suppress a sigh of relief. "Just the commlink since no one's in the monitor room." She answered it, "Shadowhawke."

"Shadowhawke, call Atlantis. See if Garth is there."

"So you brought her," Roy said coolly. Dick had just introduced Roy to Nathalie, and Roy wasn't in any mood to even fake politeness.

"Roy, be nice," Sarah, as Shadowhawke, said from across the table. Dick and Nathalie completed the foursome at the kitchen table. Sarah continued, "Nathalie's probably the only person that can help you, right?" At her last word, Sarah turned her attention to the young woman.

"Actually," Nathalie looked to the table, afraid to look into the angry, blind eyes of the archer, "I can only help you if you're afraid of regaining your sight."

"Oh, yeah, right." Roy said sarcastically, "That's great."

"I got ya covered, Featherbutt," Dick, dressed as Nightwing, spoke up. Allowing a small grin at Roy's annoyed expression in response to Dick's nickname in front of a stranger—and a stranger that had harmed him no less—Dick explained, "Remember the contingency plans Batman had against the rest of the JLA?"

"Yeah," Roy answered with questioning impatience.

"Remember how he made Aquaman afraid of water?" Roy nodded in annoyance, making it clear that he wished Dick would get to the point. "I talked to Batman, and he altered the formula for me.." He saw understanding light his friend's eyes, and Dick smiled. "We'd better restrain you though.. Batman warned that the fear is strong… that we might not be able to keep you from running from it." He saw Roy start to protest and he interrupted his friend, "Roy, think about it. If that formula could make Arthur afraid of water.. ?"

Roy nodded, "Yeah, you're right. Ok. Lian still asleep?" He asked, clearly preparing for the ordeal.

"No," Shadowhawke answered. "She's with Donna and Toni." Roy nodded. Garth's presence in Atlantis had been confirmed, so that Donna and Toni were available for babysitting duty. When he had been asked why he didn't call, Garth had said that he hadn't realized that he was considered missing from his teammates, and Nightwing suspected that Garth's misremembering of events had been part of Nathalie's power to keep him away from Toni.

"Ok, then let's do this," Roy stated.

"Are the restraints really necessary?" Roy asked as he felt Nightwing buckle him into the medical bed.

"Yep," Nightwing answered matter-of-factly, not taking his eyes off his work. Nathalie stood at the foot of the bed fidgeting nervously while Shadowhawke stood by the light switch, ready to make the room dark after Roy's sight was restored, for his fear would still be in full-force.

"Ok, ready?" Nightwing asked, holding the syringe. He forced himself not to have a reaction to the years-old tracks already on Roy's arms.

"Lay it on me," Roy said. He laid back his head and closed his eyes, preparing himself. Nightwing positioned the syringe, and after a slight pause, injected his friend. Nightwing, Shadowhawke, and Nathalie watched for some kind of sign from Roy, but he was still. So still that Dick started to think that his friend had fallen asleep. After a moment, though, he started to murmur, "No.. no light.. too bright.."

Nightwing looked expectantly at Nathalie, and she shook her head, "He's not afraid enough—I can't feel it." Nightwing nodded grimly. He looked at his friend for a moment, not wanted to break Roy's current peaceful demeanor.

He sighed, and gently shook his friend. "Roy. Roy, wake up."

"Di.. mmm.. Nightwing?" Even through his haze, Roy heard the commanding tone in Dick's voice, reminding him that his friend was in costume. As he started to wake up, Roy started to fight against the restraints. He protested more forcefully, "No! No lights! Keep the lights off!"

Nightwing looked again to Nathalie, and this time she nodded. She gestured to Roy, and he screamed, trying to throw his arms over his eyes. At Roy's scream, Shadowhawke flipped the switch, and, after flicking on his starlite lenses, Nightwing soothed, "Roy, I know you're afraid. Try to calm down, and I'll loose your arms." He could tell Roy was trying to be still, and after a few tries, Dick got Roy's right arm free, which, although the room was pitch-black, immediately flew to Roy's eyes. Dick went to the other side of Roy's bed and freed Roy's left arm, which quickly joined his right.

Nightwing braced himself for the hard part. He had to make Roy angry at the light. Or at least at something. And he knew he was a likely candidate. He nodded to Sarah, and she flipped the light back on. Roy reacted by tightening his arms over his face. "Roy, fight it. Think about it. You're afraid of light. What sense does that make?" He forced his voice to become demeaning.

"I dunno.. I dunno.." Roy murmured.

"Come on, Roy, get pissed! I did this to you, dammit! Fight me!" To match his words, Nightwing struggled with his friend to pull Roy's arms away from his face. Roy had his eyes tightly closed, but Nightwing knew that the light was bright enough that some of it was getting through Roy's eyelids.

Roy was fighting to free his arms from his friend, and finally he started to shout, "Get off me! Leave me alone!"

"Look at me, Roy! You can't fight me if you can't see me! Look at me!"

Roy responded by cracking his eyes open, and at Roy's response, Sarah dimmed the lights. "You did this to me!" he accused, "Why? I thought you were my friend!" Roy's words bit into Dick, but Nightwing also noticed the focused glare Roy had on him. Roy could see. "Get me out of these restraints, dammit!" Roy was definitely angry—he sounded like he would take off Dick's head if his request were granted—and Shadowhawke experimented by raising the light level. Roy hardly noticed except to squint for a few seconds as he continued his struggle.

Instead of preparing for a battle, Nightwing broke into a full grin, which only served to aggravate Roy's anger. Until Dick laughed, "Roy! Calm down, man! You can see!"

Roy started as though it were only at Dick's words that he realized that he had regained his sight. "Hey!" Roy broke into a grin, clearly forgetting his anger towards his friend. He also forgot the restraints until he tried to get up. "Hey, get me outta this," Roy protested struggling good-naturedly against his bonds. With his eyes, Roy followed Nightwing as Dick moved to release Roy's legs. Roy stopped in mid-motion as he moved to sit up when he caught sight of Nathalie. He finished the motion, supporting his upper body with his hands behind him, and questioned, "Nathalie?"

Nathalie lowered her gaze from Roy's eyes before she nodded self-consciously. Roy smiled warmly as he encouraged, "Hey, don't worry about it, sweetheart. I could never stay mad at a cute babe like you." As Roy spoke, Nightwing worked on freeing Roy's right leg, while Shadowhawke moved to the other side of the bed to free his left. Both siblings reacted to Roy's words with amiable grins, which made Nathalie more at ease.

Roy's newly envisioned eyes lit up as someone entered the infirmary. Roy's reaction caused Nightwing to turn around, and he greeted Lian and Toni as the young woman walked in with Lian in her arms. Nightwing noticed that Lian seemed a little apprehensive, and turning back to look at his friend, Dick saw that Roy noticed Lian's mood too.

"We wanted to come see how Roy was," Toni explained with an air of caution.

She looked at Roy who was now freed of the restraints, and caught a sigh of relief as the archer hopped off the bed and approached them with open arms and a beaming smile. "Lian!" Roy radiated. He took his daughter into his arms, and, although she didn't resist, Lian didn't exactly welcome the gesture either. "Hey," Roy said, concerned and losing his smile. He tried to make eye contact with his little girl, but Lian was looking at the ground. "Hey, princess," Roy tried again, oblivious to the others in the room as he lifted Lian's chin. "I'm sorry for what I said earlier, honey. You know I'd never leave you, right?" Lian shrugged. Roy moved back to the bed and boosted himself onto the platform so that he could sit Lian in his lap. He hugged her for a good half minute before he continued without releasing the hug, "You know grown-ups say things they don't mean sometimes, right?" Roy released his daughter enough to look into her eyes. Lian nodded. "Well I really didn't mean that."

Lian's mood seemed to lighten as she asked, "More than when you said you never wanted to see Mrs. Williams again?"

Both Dick and Sarah frowned slightly; Mrs. Williams was Lian's kindergarten teacher; but Roy didn't skip a beat when he responded, "Oh definitely more than that."

That was enough for Lian—how, Roy didn't really understand, but he didn't care—and she embraced her father in a tiny bearhug. Roy returned the hug, and gave a full grin over Lian's shoulder to Dick.

"I honestly don't know how you do it, Sarah," Roy said looking into his cup of coffee. It was the next morning, and he was sitting at the kitchen table while Sarah stood at the stove, pouring herself a cup of hot water for tea.

"Neither do I, to tell you the truth," Sarah confided, joining her friend at the table. "It's been fifteen years, but I still have mornings where I wake up expecting to see. And times where I'm waiting for the subway, and I find myself thinking that if I were sighted, I could have driven myself out of the city half an hour ago."

Roy shook his head. "I don't think I would have made it if Dick's plan didn't work. I would have gone mad without the ability to use my archery like I do now."

"You would have made it," Sarah said definitively. "You're stronger than you give yourself credit. Think of all that you've overcome already?" She paused. "There aren't many things more difficult than overcoming a narcotics addiction. Granted, sight loss is probably one of them, but not by much." Roy didn't say anything, and simply by the feeling in the room, Sarah knew she wasn't getting through. "Look," she tried again, "What is the most important thing in your life?"

Roy didn't hesitate, "Lian."

"Right," Sarah said. Roy's answer wasn't a surprise. "And you wouldn't have lost her if you had lost your sight." She paused. "Consider Lian's reaction when you suggested you might be better off dead."

"Yeah, but I wouldn't have been able to give her a normal childhood. Wouldn't have been able to teach her to play catch for instance."

"Sure you would have. I told you we could have Star Labs make you a visor like mine. It wouldn't have been a problem at all, Roy." She sensed that Roy was about to argue that it would have been too much. "Besides, even if you couldn't play catch with her, you could do other things with her. What you could give her would be enough because she knows you love her." She paused, "Lian's love for you is unconditional too. She would have loved you just as much if you couldn't see. She probably wouldn't have skipped a beat except in response to your emotions. After all, she's used to Auntie Sarah." Sarah grinned. She took a sip of her forgotten tea, and stated, "Anyway, my point is that you underestimate yourself. Give yourself some credit. You're worth a lot to a lot of people, and not because you can see."

There was a pause as though Roy were digesting what Sarah just said, and finally he said quietly, "Thanks, Sarah." He raised his voice to ask, "Hey, did Dick ever find a way to keep Nathalie's brother away?"

"Yeah, he scared the living daylights out of him. Trust me, that's enough."

"Hey, you don't have to tell me. I know he was trained by the bat."

Sarah laughed, and then teased, "Does that mean I could scare the living daylights out of you?"

"Sure thing, sweetheart," Roy grinned. "Most women do."


End file.
